Author Topic: Excellent Article  (Read 482 times)

Offline Macaria

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Excellent Article
« on: Saturday, March 11 2017, 14:39 »
I thought this was a great read and can help SMs with getting across why the adult relationship comes first... even though the skids aren't the results of our partnerships/marriages, the basic idea is still the same as far as modeling a good relationship and having productive rather than entitled future adults.

https://www.google.com/amp/lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-your-kids-should-not-be-the-most-important/article_e61f4a20-c15e-53c6-ba51-e86af16ab957.amp.html
*DH and I, happily married... only fight about SD
*Entitled, bratty, whiny SD: Preteen (ugh)
*BM: Professional beggar, victim and PASer

Offline Miranda

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #1 on: Saturday, March 11 2017, 20:47 »
I thought this was a great read and can help SMs with getting across why the adult relationship comes first... even though the skids aren't the results of our partnerships/marriages, the basic idea is still the same as far as modeling a good relationship and having productive rather than entitled future adults.

https://www.google.com/amp/lacrossetribune.com/lifestyles/relationships-and-special-occasions/john-rosemond-your-kids-should-not-be-the-most-important/article_e61f4a20-c15e-53c6-ba51-e86af16ab957.amp.html
Totally agree with everything he says and so do all my older friends (mainly in their sixties) whether they have kids or not. Interestimgly  the ones below fifty years old are very different. How did this huge turn around in parenting happen? The older friends have great kids who have grown up to be polite responsible citizens. The younger ones have a series of spoilt entitled brats (including oh)
Me 53 3 grown up biological sons
OH 49 kind good man, hates conflict. Disney/cub leader dad
Nearly a year. Not living together
SS15 nice, cool kid. Get on well
SS12 Weird immature ?aspergers
BM Helicopter mother no real problem, won't meet me.  Has no life other than kids and expects same from OH

Offline Frazzled

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #2 on: Saturday, March 11 2017, 20:55 »
Thanks Macaria. Really good.
Me:44 Massive introvert
OH:46 Duty bound people pleaser
SS:16 OK, but so lazy
SD:14 Mini-wife
50:50 Shared care :-(

Offline Suo

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #3 on: Saturday, March 11 2017, 22:15 »
Great read. Curious to hear OH's opinion lol.
Me 47 - very happy with my 2 big dogs, kitty, and a gazillion chooks
OH 46 - loving, kind, generous, genuine
BM - Narcissistic psychopath
SD10 - Narcissistic psychopath in training

"A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right and evil doesn't become good just because your mum says so"

Offline KateyM71

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #4 on: Sunday, March 12 2017, 00:18 »
My skids BM is always at OH telling him he's not putting the kids first. It will be interesting to see how she goes when they leave home and she has nothing- no kids, no partner, no hobbies, no friends
Me: 45
Partner: 45
BM1: no contact
SD1: 20 (living independently)
SD2: 19 (living independently)
My children: 16, 18, 20. Live 5 hrs away with ex-husband - No contact - Parental Alienation Syndrome
BM2: 39
SD3: 7
SS: 5

Offline Miranda

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #5 on: Sunday, March 12 2017, 07:09 »
Great read. Curious to hear OH's opinion lol.
I sent it to OH and he say it was very good 😂😂😂 ......well try doing it then you idiot!
Me 53 3 grown up biological sons
OH 49 kind good man, hates conflict. Disney/cub leader dad
Nearly a year. Not living together
SS15 nice, cool kid. Get on well
SS12 Weird immature ?aspergers
BM Helicopter mother no real problem, won't meet me.  Has no life other than kids and expects same from OH

Offline spangle

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #6 on: Thursday, April 6 2017, 15:11 »
Very good article. Makes me wonder why in separated families, every move we make, whether imposed by state or between BM and DH, it's always with the view to put the kids first. Maybe that's why skids grow up to be entitled little shits.
Me 43
DH 46
SS 11
SD 9
BM 46 - bitter, lazy, entitled. Total self righteous snob.

Offline Suo

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #7 on: Saturday, April 8 2017, 11:17 »
True to form OH dismissed it (like anything that doesn't fit his rosy soft glowing bubble). Because, things aren't that bad don't you know....
Me 47 - very happy with my 2 big dogs, kitty, and a gazillion chooks
OH 46 - loving, kind, generous, genuine
BM - Narcissistic psychopath
SD10 - Narcissistic psychopath in training

"A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right and evil doesn't become good just because your mum says so"

Offline Macaria

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #8 on: Saturday, April 8 2017, 15:24 »
Very good article. Makes me wonder why in separated families, every move we make, whether imposed by state or between BM and DH, it's always with the view to put the kids first. Maybe that's why skids grow up to be entitled little shits.

That's exactly why they are entitled little shits. Our dear OHs, however, rarely see that connection. DH sees it but still acts like the world needs to stop because SD is visiting.

True to form OH dismissed it (like anything that doesn't fit his rosy soft glowing bubble). Because, things aren't that bad don't you know....

How frustrating! He doesn't want to see it, there is no denying "putting the kids first" does them no favors. It's as though they see it but respond back, "Well, not my kid." No buddy, exactly your kid!
*DH and I, happily married... only fight about SD
*Entitled, bratty, whiny SD: Preteen (ugh)
*BM: Professional beggar, victim and PASer

Offline MAH

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #9 on: Saturday, April 8 2017, 16:18 »
I htink a lot of men can't see that putting the relationship first doesn't mean the kids' needs come first, if that makes sense.  In my view it would be kids' needs, adults' needs (with a balance depending on the need) then both kids and adults wants balanced out.   
Me 53, DH 71, SS 31, my two furbabies are 7

Offline fit4eva

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #10 on: Tuesday, April 11 2017, 12:06 »
Agreed....

Offline arrietty

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #11 on: Tuesday, April 11 2017, 12:23 »
True to form OH dismissed it (like anything that doesn't fit his rosy soft glowing bubble). Because, things aren't that bad don't you know....

Your OH had a special level of blindness to this!
Me:31
OH: 40, left BM Autumn 2013, met me March 2014, divorced Jan 2015
Cohabiting in my house
SD6. Every Tue, and Sat overnight. Full Friday-Monday once a month.
BM: 32. crazy bitch, full custody, new partner.

Offline Suo

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Re: Excellent Article
« Reply #12 on: Tuesday, April 11 2017, 13:10 »
True to form OH dismissed it (like anything that doesn't fit his rosy soft glowing bubble). Because, things aren't that bad don't you know....

Your OH had a special level of blindness to this!

If he doesn't watch it I'm going to put him on the special bus where he can go and lick the window or something!  ;D
Me 47 - very happy with my 2 big dogs, kitty, and a gazillion chooks
OH 46 - loving, kind, generous, genuine
BM - Narcissistic psychopath
SD10 - Narcissistic psychopath in training

"A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right and evil doesn't become good just because your mum says so"